My First Negotiation Lesson at the Age of Eleven!
I was ten years old when I had my first negotiation lesson.
My father ran a purchasing and negotiation training business, and I used to help out — setting up rooms, running video equipment, and watching professionals negotiate. One day, while reviewing a video recording together, I asked him to “have a negotiation” with me.
- He didn’t explain models.
- He didn’t teach tactics.
- He didn’t give me theory.
He simply said.......“Look at me.”...... That was the lesson!
If this kind of learning resonates, the next step is always practice.
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The Lesson Wasn’t What I Expected
At the time, I didn’t understand why that moment mattered. I expected a trick, a phrase, or a clever move.
Instead, I was being taught something far more fundamental: presence.
Eye contact wasn’t about dominance or confidence. It was about attention. It was about being there.
That moment planted the seed for something I would only fully understand years later.
The Tactic Hidden Inside the Story: Observation
Looking back, that first lesson was about observation.
Not observing from a distance, but observing while participating — noticing reactions, engagement, and timing as they happen.
If you want to explore this deliberately then start here: How To Improve Observation Skiils in Negotiation .
Why Eye Contact and Slowing Down Matter
Two other behaviours sit underneath that early lesson:
- Eye Contact — signalling presence without force
- Slow Down — resisting the urge to rush words or responses
When people rush, they miss micro-moments. When they slow down, they start to notice.
Reading about these behaviours helps. Practising them changes how you negotiate.
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Why This Still Matters Today
Decades later, that lesson still shows up in every negotiation room I enter.
Before tactics. Before questions. Before proposals.
Negotiation begins in the micro-moment where someone decides whether you are present or not.
If you want to practise negotiation at this level — the human level — the right next step is to practise with others.
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