Using someone’s name in a negotiation can build rapport quickly but ONLY if you get the pronunciation, timing and restraint right. Used poorly, it can feel manipulative, over-familiar, or careless.

This is a small skill, but it shows up in big moments: greetings, pushback, proposal delivery, and when emotions rise.

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What “Know Thy Name” really is

This tactic is not about repeating someone’s name to “influence” them.

It’s about using a name as a signal of attention and respect, at moments where connection matters:

• Opening a conversation professionally
• Re-centring a tense exchange
• Acknowledging a constraint or concern
• Separating the person from the problem

Primary Tactic:

Know Thy Name (Using Names)

Why names change the dynamic

A name is personal. In negotiation, that matters because:

• It increases the sense that you’re speaking to them, not “at” them
• It supports rapport without needing small talk
• It can soften a hard message (without changing the message)
• It helps you steer tone when pressure rises

In the short video below, I explain when using someone’s name helps and when it backfires.

Common mistakes (and what they cost you)

While it would feel obvious that we should use people names when we communicate, it can be incredibly detrimental if we make mistakes, and these mistakes occur more frequently than we care to realise.  During negotiation practice at the club meetings we will often observe the following:

1) Not using names at all

You miss easy moments to build connection. The conversation can feel transactional, especially early on.

2) Overusing names

Too frequent and it starts to feel like a technique. People often respond by becoming guarded and distracted.

3) Mispronouncing the name

This is rarely forgiven in the moment. It reads as low attention or low respect, even if it was unintended.

4) Switching to nicknames or shortcuts

If they didn’t introduce themselves that way, don’t “improve” their name for convenience.

"Often you may not be corrected by the other party , which means you will be unaware of the potential damage that is occurring.  The value of practice combined with a colleague or club member to give observed feedback will make a huge difference." Philip Brown

How to practise the skill (properly)

Don’t practise this by “trying to remember names”. Practise it as a timing and delivery skill.

Practice Rep 1: The clean introduction

In a role play, start with:

“Hello [Name], thanks for making the time.”

Then continue normally. One name is enough.

Practice Rep 2: Pronunciation check (without awkwardness)

If you’re unsure:

“Can I just check I’m saying your name correctly?”

Repeat it once correctly, then move on.

Practice Rep 3: Use names at “micro-moments”

Pick two moments only:

• After a challenge (“[Name], that’s helpful context…”)
• Before a proposal (“[Name], here’s what I suggest…”)

Practice Rep 4: The “meeting map”

If there are multiple stakeholders, sketch a quick seating map and write names where people sit. This prevents hesitation and avoids getting it wrong.

(Top Tip: I personally use this technique in almost all my meetings whether it is for a negotiation, a supplier meeting or even a networking event.  And when individuals introduce themselves ... write a few details by their name.)

Practice Rep 5: Observer scoring (make it measurable)

Ask an observer to score only these three:

1. Correct pronunciation (Yes/No)
2. Natural timing (1–5)
3. Frequency (Too little / Just right / Too much)

If you have recording of the exchange the review and focus on your delivery, then practice. 

10 opportunities to use their name

Here are 10 clear, practical moments where using a person’s name can add value in a negotiation or meeting. These are moments worth practising deliberately, not improvising.

1. At the opening greeting

Establishes presence and professionalism without needing small talk.

“Morning, Sarah. Thanks for making the time.”

2. When confirming pronunciation or preference

Signals respect early and avoids compounding an error.

“Can I just check I’m saying your name correctly, Ahmed?”

3. When resetting focus after early context-setting

Brings the conversation back to the person, not the process.

“So, James, before we go further…”

4. After listening to a concern or objection

Reinforces that the point has been heard.

“I understand that concern, Priya.”

5. Before asking a difficult or direct question

Softens the entry into challenge without diluting it.

“Chris, can I ask how firm that position really is?”

6. Immediately before making a proposal

Personalises the offer without making it emotional.

“Alex, here’s what I’d suggest.”

7. When summarising the other party’s position

Separates the person from the issue while maintaining respect.

“So, Maria, what you’re saying is…”

8. When acknowledging movement or flexibility

Reinforces constructive behaviour and momentum.

“That’s helpful movement, Tom.”

9. When de-escalating tension or frustration

Grounds the exchange and slows the pace.

“Let’s pause for a moment, Helen.”

10. When closing or agreeing next steps

Ends the interaction with clarity and professionalism.

“Thanks, Daniel. Let’s confirm the next steps.”

The 4–6 minute Negotiation Club drill

Purpose:

... make using names feel natural under pressure.

Roles:

Buyer/Seller (or Candidate/Employer) + Observer

Setup (30 seconds):

Choose two moments you will use the other person’s name, exmaple:

1. Greeting
2. Before a proposal or after a challenge

Round (4 minutes):

• Negotiate a simple two-variable deal (price + one term).
• You are not trying to “win”. You are trying to keep the use of names clean, respectful, and well-timed.

Observer only tracks:

• Did the negotiator use the name at the two chosen moments?
• Did it land naturally, or feel inserted?
• Did the other party’s body language or tone shift after the name was used?

Reset (60 seconds):

Repeat the round, but switch the timing (e.g., use the name after pushback instead of before the proposal).

Combine it with supporting tactics (this is where it becomes commercial)

Using names works best when it supports other behaviours:

• Pair it with Active Listening to demonstrate attention, not performance.
• Use Summarise right after a name to reduce friction: “So [Name], what I’m hearing is…”
• Follow with Open Questions to progress the negotiation: “[Name], what would make this workable for you?”
• Use LinkedIn Rapport carefully at the start to build connection without drifting into small talk.
• Use Pause, Consider, Respond when you feel yourself rushing—names land badly when you’re tense.
• Build the broader foundation with Building Relationships.

When not to use it

• If the relationship is hostile and the name will sound sarcastic (tone matters more than words).
• If you can’t say it correctly and won’t check (better to ask than guess).
• If cultural norms suggest greater formality such as making use of titles or surnames until invited otherwise.

If you want to practise this properly

This tactic improves fast when you practise it live, with feedback.

Use the “Know Thy Name” approach inside a short role play and measure it with an observer. A few repetitions is usually enough to remove the awkwardness and build control.

Having an "Observer" to provide you personal feedback is one of the most powerful opportunities you receive when you practice at a Negotiation Club.

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