Imagine this ... you’re preparing for a supplier meeting. You’re sure they’ll push hard on price — that’s what suppliers always do, right?

So you arm yourself with cost breakdowns, market benchmarks and a neat anchor to push them lower.

The meeting starts, but instead of price, they keep circling back to delivery schedules. You keep dragging the conversation back to price and both sides leave frustrated.

What happened? You weren’t negotiating with them. You were negotiating with the version of them you had in your head. That’s projection!

What Projection Really Means in Negotiation

In psychology, projection is when we attribute our own thoughts and feelings to someone else. In negotiation, I use the term more broadly.

"Projection in negotiation is the habit of assuming the other party will think, behave and prioritise in the way we expect them to."

It’s not always conscious. We build a “mental script” of how the negotiation will play out, and then — here’s the danger — we filter everything through that script.

• If I expect them to push on price, I’ll hear every mention of “cost” as confirmation.
• If I expect them to resist on contract length, I’ll miss signals that they might be flexible.
• If I expect them to be aggressive, I’ll interpret silence as hostility rather than reflection.

In effect, we negotiate with our projection, not the person sitting in front of us.

Why Projection Kills Creativity and Openness

Projection narrows the field. It traps us in a single path and blinds us to opportunities.

• It limits options...

If I’m projecting, I only prepare to trade on the variables I think matter, ignoring others that could create value.

• It reduces openness...

I ask fewer genuine questions because I believe I already know the answers.

• It blocks creativity...

I fail to explore new possibilities because I’m too busy defending against the negotiation I imagined.

Negotiation is at its most powerful when it’s collaborative — when both parties discover options they couldn’t have created alone. Projection stops that from happening.

A Tell-Tale Sign: Frustration

How do you know you’re projecting? Often, you’ll feel frustrated.

• “Why aren’t they playing the game properly?”
• “Why do they keep going on about that?”

That frustration comes from the gap between the negotiation you prepared for and the one that’s actually happening.

Tactics That Reveal Projection

Several negotiation tactics expose when we’re projecting, because they force us to pay attention to them rather than our assumptions. Club members will recognise these from our practice sessions:

1. Clarification Questions:

Simple but powerful. Asking “Can you help me understand what you mean by…?” stops us assuming and makes the other side expand.

2. Summarising

Perhaps the second most important negotiation skill of all. When you summarise the other party’s position back to them, you discover whether you’ve been listening to them — or to your projection of them.

3. T.E.D. Questions: Tell, Explain, Describe

Instead of asking questions that confirm what you think you know, practise questions that expand their world.

4. The ‘In My Shoes’ technique

Deliberately shift perspective. Ask yourself: “If I were them, with their priorities, what might I need?” It interrupts projection and builds empathy.

5. Pause, Consider, Respond

Projection makes us jump to conclusions. Practising the discipline of pausing before responding creates the space to see what’s actually being said.

How To Practise Breaking Projection

Being told “don’t assume” isn’t enough. Projection is deeply ingrained — the only way to counter it is to practise in settings that deliberately challenge your expectations.

Here are some exercises we use at The Negotiation Club:

• Role plays with unfamiliar styles.

Pair up with someone and ask them to negotiate in a style that’s unnatural for you (e.g., unusually collaborative, unusually aggressive). The shock to your script forces you to adapt.

• Observer feedback.

In Club meetings, we often assign observers to track where negotiators made assumptions. Their feedback is invaluable in catching projection in the act.

• Variable-flip exercises

Run the same scenario twice, but change which variables matter to the other side. For example, first they prioritise price, then delivery, then risk-sharing. You quickly learn that your assumptions are fragile.

• The Broken Record tactic.

If someone uses this against you — repeating the same point — it exposes whether you’re negotiating with your projection (“They must be stubborn on price”) or whether you’re curious enough to explore why they’re sticking with it.

An Example: the Apple Negotiation

At a recent Club meeting, we practised a simple two-variable negotiation: price per ton of apples and contract length.

One participant projected that the seller would fight hard on price, so they came in with tight anchors and defensive tactics. The seller, however, was more concerned about stock movement. By projecting onto price, the buyer completely missed opportunities to trade longer contracts for better stock terms.

Only when the observer pointed this out did the buyer realise: I wasn’t negotiating with them, I was negotiating with my assumption of them.

Projection Is A Human Reflex

Projection isn’t a sign of poor preparation. It’s a human reflex. We all filter the world through our own experiences.

But great negotiators learn to notice the reflex and step beyond it. That requires skills like active listening, summarising, clarifying — and most importantly, repeated practice.

The Real Negotiation Is With The Person In Front Of You

Projection is like wearing tinted glasses — everything you see is coloured by your expectations.

Taking the glasses off doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you practise enough that you recognise when you’re projecting and deliberately re-centre on the other person.

At The Negotiation Club, we remind ourselves: the most important negotiation isn’t the one you imagined. It’s the one actually happening in front of you.

Final Thought....

Next time you prepare for a negotiation, ask yourself:

• Am I preparing for their negotiation — or my projection of it?
• Am I planning to listen, summarise, and clarify — or just defend against my own assumptions?

The difference between the two is the difference between a negotiation that gets stuck and one that creates solutions neither party expected.

About the Author Philip Brown

Phil Brown is the founder of The Negotiation Club, a training organisation built on the belief that negotiation is a skill developed through practice, not theory. With 30 years of procurement and commercial experience, Phil now helps professionals worldwide build confidence and fluency through structured, repeatable negotiation practice. Experience Phils unique negotiation practice at a FREE NEGOTIATION TASTER ....

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