How To Use A 'Positive Regard' Negotiation Tactic.

What is a “Positive Regard” in the Negotiation Context?

In negotiation, Positive Regard is the deliberate and visible demonstration that you respect the other party as a legitimate decision-maker, even when you disagree with their position, proposal, or constraints.

Used well, Positive Regard:

• Lowers emotional resistance
• Increases willingness to share information
• Reduces defensive rejection of proposals
• Creates space for movement without concession

Used poorly, it becomes flattery, weakness, or noise.

Positive Regard is not about being nice.

"It is about controlling how the other party feels about engaging with you while you continue to negotiate firmly."

Why Positive Regard Works in Negotiation

Negotiations are rarely rejected on logic alone.

More often, proposals are rejected because the person presenting them is perceived as:

• Dismissive
• Threatening
• Arrogant
• Unreasonable
• Uninterested in the other party’s constraints

Positive Regard directly addresses this.

When a negotiator feels:

• Listened to
• Respected
• Taken seriously

They are significantly more open to:

• Explaining their constraints
• Exploring alternatives
• Staying engaged when pressure increases

This makes Positive Regard a position-preserving tactic, not a concession strategy.

What Positive Regard Is NOT

To use this tactic correctly, it is important to be clear about what it is not.

Positive Regard is not:

• Complimenting for the sake of it
• Agreeing with weak or unacceptable positions
• Over-using praise
• Trying to be liked
• Softening your objectives

A negotiator can apply strong pressure, reject proposals, and hold firm positions while still demonstrating Positive Regard.

Common Examples of Positive Regard in Negotiation Language

Positive Regard is expressed through short, controlled statements, not long explanations.

Examples include:

• “I understand why that matters to you.”
• “That’s a reasonable concern from your side.”
• “I can see the logic in how you’re thinking about this.”
• “I appreciate you explaining the constraint.”
• “I don’t agree with the proposal, but I understand the rationale.”

Notice the structure:

• Recognition first....
• Disagreement (if needed) second

This sequencing is critical.

Where Positive Regard Is Most Effective

Positive Regard is particularly powerful in high-risk moments, including:

1. After a Proposal Is Rejected

Acknowledging the other party’s reasoning reduces emotional escalation and keeps the discussion open.

2. Before Applying Pressure

Demonstrating respect before introducing a firm position reduces perceived threat.

3. When Emotions Are Rising

Positive Regard can stabilise the interaction without backing down.

4. During Deadlock

It reframes the problem as shared rather than adversarial.

Positive Regard vs Empathy

These are often confused.

• Empathy is understanding how someone feels
• Positive Regard is showing that understanding in a way that influences behaviour

In negotiation, Positive Regard must be:

• Visible
• Deliberate
• Timed

Unexpressed empathy has no tactical value.

Risks of Overusing Positive Regard

Like many negotiation tactics, Positive Regard can lose impact if misused.

Common risks include:

• Sounding rehearsed
• Diluting strong messages
• Creating ambiguity about your position
• Appearing indecisive

"This is why practice is essential. The skill is not knowing what to say, but knowing when and how often to use it."

How to Practise Positive Regard (Negotiation Club Method)

Positive Regard is best practised in short, focused negotiations, not full role-plays with multiple objectives.

Practice Exercise 1: Constraint Acknowledgement

Objective:

Practise acknowledging constraints without conceding.

Rules:

• One variable only (e.g. price or budget)
• Buyer must reject at least two proposals
• Seller must respond using Positive Regard before any counter

Observer Focus:

• Was regard expressed clearly?
• Was it concise?
• Did it reduce tension or increase clarity?

Practice Exercise 2: Disagreeing With Respect

Objective:

Practise rejecting proposals while maintaining engagement.

Rules:

• Negotiator must say “no” three times
• Each rejection must include a form of Positive Regard
• No justification longer than one sentence

Observer Focus:

• Tone
• Sequencing
• Emotional impact on the other party

Practice Exercise 3: Pressure With Regard

Objective:

Apply pressure immediately after expressing Positive Regard.

Rules:

• Positive Regard statement
• Immediate firm position or boundary
• No hedging language allowed

Example:

“I understand why you’re pushing for that, and we can’t accept it at that level.”

Observable Skill Levels

At The Negotiation Club, we assess Positive Regard using observable behaviour.

Level 1 – Awareness

• Attempts to sound respectful
• Language is inconsistent
• Often mixed with over-explanation

Level 2 – Integration

• Clear, concise expressions
• Used at appropriate moments
• Does not weaken position

Level 3 – Control

• Used deliberately under pressure
• Improves information flow
• Stabilises difficult negotiations

Why Positive Regard Must Be Practised

Most negotiators believe they show respect.

Very few do so consistently, visibly, and under pressure.

Positive Regard is a behavioural skill, not a mindset.

It only becomes effective through:

• Repetition
• Feedback
• Observation

"This is why it is practised explicitly within Negotiation Club sessions rather than taught as a concept."

Club Members Giving Constructive  Feedback

At The Negotiation Club, the Observer plays a critical role in how negotiation skills are developed through practice.

During each practice negotiation, the Observer focuses on the execution of a specific tactic, not the outcome of the negotiation. Their role is to watch what actually happens in real time—how the tactic is attempted, how it is delivered, and how the other party responds.

Feedback is structured, immediate, and constructive. It is based on observable behaviour rather than opinion and is reviewed against three clear levels of ability:

• Awareness – the tactic is recognised and attempted
• Application – the tactic is used deliberately and appropriately
• Control – the tactic is used fluidly and adapted to the situation

This observer-led approach ensures feedback is practical, focused, and directly supports skill development through repetition and reflection